He is to be Lord of all, or not at all...

The title of this blog is a quote I found kinda a while ago, about a year or a little bit less, when I first started walking with Jesus.
Truthfully, this quote used to scare me, or can I say that it scared the flesh, I dunno, but I was scared. I wasn't willing to surrender, how could I let myself become so vulnerable for someone, would God take away the things I loved, the things I enjoyed and found pleasure in, this thought scared me like crazy.
But I have grown to see that losing what we hold dear, losing them to God, well, it's not just the best way to live, it's the only way. You will only have a true self when you've surrendered yourself to Him, that's the only way to have a true sense of self, it's the only way to have a real personality. See, God made you and me, who knows better who you should be than the One who created you Himself?
It's the plain truth.
Surrendering is something I've been staying away from for a while, I'm still very much in love with Jesus, it's just that, that same surrender well, for a while, it's been gone, I've let it go.
My heart knows what it needs, it knows Who it needs, I will stop fighting today and give in, I will allow myself to let go, I will allow myself to be consumed in His presence, in His truth, in obedience to Him, in pure love.
I became the headgirl of my school today, it's one of the most amazing things I have ever felt. I really sense God's hands in this, I remember not wanting to do it because I feared the arduous amount of responsibility and what it would mean for me. It would slowly eat away at my free time and my carefreeness, of this much I was sure. But I still prayed to God that if this was His will, what He wanted for me in the here and now, that by all means, He should let it be.
I'm giving this new title to God, I'm giving Him these next few months of my life as headgirl, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm wholly surrendered to Him.
I remember, earlier on today, I was listening to some beautiful piano music and a song came on, "Be Thou My Vision", this song spoke a thousand words to my soul today. I want Him to be the way I see the world, I want to be so entirely wrapped up in Him that I think like Him, talk like Him, walk like Him, act like Him. I don't want people to look at Anita, I want them to look past me and see Jesus.
This is what it means to surrender...

I am before the throne, I am Yours alone, I will be no one else's, not even mine, my mouth, my hands, my feet, my heart, they are Yours, they always have been...I don't belong to me.