He is to be Lord of all, or not at all...

The title of this blog is a quote I found kinda a while ago, about a year or a little bit less, when I first started walking with Jesus.
Truthfully, this quote used to scare me, or can I say that it scared the flesh, I dunno, but I was scared. I wasn't willing to surrender, how could I let myself become so vulnerable for someone, would God take away the things I loved, the things I enjoyed and found pleasure in, this thought scared me like crazy.
But I have grown to see that losing what we hold dear, losing them to God, well, it's not just the best way to live, it's the only way. You will only have a true self when you've surrendered yourself to Him, that's the only way to have a true sense of self, it's the only way to have a real personality. See, God made you and me, who knows better who you should be than the One who created you Himself?
It's the plain truth.
Surrendering is something I've been staying away from for a while, I'm still very much in love with Jesus, it's just that, that same surrender well, for a while, it's been gone, I've let it go.
My heart knows what it needs, it knows Who it needs, I will stop fighting today and give in, I will allow myself to let go, I will allow myself to be consumed in His presence, in His truth, in obedience to Him, in pure love.
I became the headgirl of my school today, it's one of the most amazing things I have ever felt. I really sense God's hands in this, I remember not wanting to do it because I feared the arduous amount of responsibility and what it would mean for me. It would slowly eat away at my free time and my carefreeness, of this much I was sure. But I still prayed to God that if this was His will, what He wanted for me in the here and now, that by all means, He should let it be.
I'm giving this new title to God, I'm giving Him these next few months of my life as headgirl, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm wholly surrendered to Him.
I remember, earlier on today, I was listening to some beautiful piano music and a song came on, "Be Thou My Vision", this song spoke a thousand words to my soul today. I want Him to be the way I see the world, I want to be so entirely wrapped up in Him that I think like Him, talk like Him, walk like Him, act like Him. I don't want people to look at Anita, I want them to look past me and see Jesus.
This is what it means to surrender...

I am before the throne, I am Yours alone, I will be no one else's, not even mine, my mouth, my hands, my feet, my heart, they are Yours, they always have been...I don't belong to me.

Words will always fail me...

I was thinking just a few seconds ago, about Jesus, about my life in Him, His life in me, what it means, what it has meant for me and what it will inevitably mean...
It's so weird that after a whole year walking with Him, when I try to put words to what He has done in my life, there simply aren't any, I don't think that there will ever be a description accurate enough or strong enough to cover what He is to me.
It's the strangest thing, that a sinner, someone so wrong as me could find something, someone so right, and have that Person love me back. I always see girls my age practically overwhelmed when they get a boy's attention, that's nothing compared to this. Loving Him is simply inexplicable.
I am not perfect in His eyes, I never have been and I never will be, but sometimes I can actually feel the love He has for me, I swear that I can feel His eyes on me as I go through the day, I can sense the love and utter devotion that His gaze holds.
To think that the person I love the most is also the person I have never seen, but it's like our love is on a whole 'nother level, it's beyond my senses, it's beyond natural laws. Truthfully, there is nothing natural about Jehovah, the one who calls the things that aren't as though they were.
I just want to live in this love forever, seriously, I don't see myself ever getting tired of Him, it's the most amazing adventure in the world, though it can be hard sometimes because I am in the flesh afterall. Life, people, throw so much junk at you sometimes, I am not blind to this fact, it's just that well, the Light of the world is so much more beautiful and so much more real to me.
I always want my life to be this way - that if you took away everything I hold dear; earthly possessions, my family, my gifts, everything I know to be mine, that at the core of my life, there would just be Jesus.
I'm a simple person and I don't need much. My number one necessity for life is Jesus, 'nuff said.
I can be very easily misunderstood by some and a lot of the time, I can't figure myself out but I do know this much about myself, I am entirely consumed in Jesus. His love is like an ocean, swallowing me and engulfing me more and more with each day, His love is everything and everything is nothing without Him.
This is the truth for me, I hope you know Him, I love people and there is nothing that I wish more for you than for you to have something like this with Him because let's face it, His love is where life begins.
I'm truly happy. My life is not perfect, a lot of things are upside down, I am in situations that challenge my faith but I have never been happier.

So this is the first blog in like, forever...

Hey, :)

So, as I said in the title, this is my first update on this blog in like forever...I'm trying to tell myself that there is a good reason for that but heck, I'd only be lying. I've lived...A LOT...since the last time I wrote on here.
God has brought new challenges, new experiences, new people, new oppurtunities, and like a little girl in a new place, I've just clung to my Father's hand even tighter. This whole "growing-up" thing is quite a ride, it's like a rollercoaster that I can't seem to get off, and part of me doesn't even want to.
But my God, He's been so faithful to me, in a few short months, He's proven to me how He will be faithful to me all through my life, even when I am anything but faithful to Him. His love for me will not be based on what I have or have not done, He is Love, and this is why I can not cease to love Him.
How do you stop loving Love???
Faithfulness...this is something I'm learning, most importantly in my walk with God, but other parts too, my education, my relationships, my interests and my gifts, just all throughout my life. I'm clinging to God in prayer.